The End of Therapy – Part One

The counselling is over. ‘I think I’m ok now,’ I informed my therapist. ‘That’s good,’ she nodded, encouragingly. ‘What’s changed?’ That was a hard one. And I had no simple answer. Each week, our sessions had removed the emotional and mental lint I’d picked up over the previous seven days. I would log on forContinue reading “The End of Therapy – Part One”

Middowed: The Basics

Middow is a coined term for a mother whose child has died. I came up with it because I couldn’t find another word that fitted. There is a Sanskrit term, vilomah, that means against the natural order of things. That definitely describes the general state of being but doesn’t quite signify a person. Middow isContinue reading “Middowed: The Basics”

Three Years

It’s sunny this morning in Sheffield. I can’t say for sure what it was like on May 27th 2018, as Dan was still on life-support at Sheffield Children’s Hospital and our lives were in a windowless limbo. It probably was sunny though. The weather held for what seemed like months, as if, like me, theContinue reading “Three Years”

May

Now, May is a month of extremes for me. Throughout childhood it was my favourite time of year. The first month in which the grass was properly mown, bringing the scent that meant extended playing out time after tea. The spider-webby toys from the garage hauled outside, friends gathering on bikes and roller skates untilContinue reading “May”

I Need to Talk (but don’t want to)

I had my first counselling session this evening. All day it’d been on the edge of my vision, a sharp black thing spearing my view. I logged onto zoom. There she was, my counsellor. She had emailed me, and now I had a face to put to the short, kind, phrases she had typed. HereContinue reading “I Need to Talk (but don’t want to)”

Blackbird

The route I took with the dog this morning was busy.  Maggie and I paused at the far side of the bridge, to let a family of five amble past.  We waited a few moments longer, until they had rounded the bend and wandered from sight.  Just as we too rounded the corner, an olderContinue reading “Blackbird”

The regulation of emotions through carrier bags

I think about how I might regulate my emotions.  I visualise them as the jumble of bags for life stuffed into a bigger, sturdier bag, or stuffed into a drawer.  I picture myself lifting them out, trying to take one at a time.  Sometimes, I pull at a red handle on one, but out tumbleContinue reading “The regulation of emotions through carrier bags”