I have been back from Llanbedrog for over a month now. I miss the beach mostly. The static crackle of the surf pushing and pulling the shale on the shoreline. The suck and hiss, back and forth. The wind rushing along the coast and the crash and return of the waves fills my senses. IContinue reading “Maggie and Me”
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Sunshine and Rainbows
My Twitter cover picture, for quite some time after Dan died, was the meme of a quote from Rocky: “Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to yourContinue reading “Sunshine and Rainbows”
Middowed – A Taster: Part Two
Extract from Chapter 10, Dan’s timeline, ‘Four Goodness Sake’. Dan’s framily (friends that are family, plus some actual blood relations) was small, but sound. Dan made me draw pictures of this framily, which basically included all the people that were important to him. He had me and his dad, Nanny and Grandad, Auntie Liv, JayContinue reading “Middowed – A Taster: Part Two”
Advent of Grief
Detached. Like a retina, or a singular house. That’s how I feel. Grief Awareness Week has just been and a search of the hashtag on Twitter throws up post after post about how to manage grief. I can’t read any of them. None of it makes sense. Grief isn’t managed, it’s experienced. Maybe that’s justContinue reading “Advent of Grief”
Middowed – a taster
The memoir is done, as far as I can take it. Now it needs the care of an agent and an editor within a publishing house to help send it out into the world. I’m slowly piling up the rejections, each one a little badge of honour, showing that I’m trying. Here’s just a flavourContinue reading “Middowed – a taster”
50/50
50/50. Half-and-half. That’s me now. I’m here/not here. I have spent three and half years immersing myself in work and study, doing my best to stay positive and move determinedly forwards from what happened to Dan. I’ve examined the aftermath in journals, in stories, in counselling. But always moving onwards. Like Forest Gump running andContinue reading “50/50”
Telly time
I would not be suited to fame. Last week, as part of Organ Donation Week, I sat on a bench in Weston Park and talked to a reporter about Dan, while the camera captured it all. It was terrifying. My heart raced, my brain melted, I felt like I would faint. Yet forcing myself toContinue reading “Telly time”
Ordinary Will Do Just Fine, Thanks
Organ donation is like some strange relay race against death. Dan’s batons—his kidneys, pancreas, liver and heart—were passed onto to four anonymous families, to keep others’ lives going that bit longer, stretching out both Dan’s time and theirs in this world. Although the recipient takes the organ itself, the whole family benefits. The recipient remainsContinue reading “Ordinary Will Do Just Fine, Thanks”
Everyone’s turning 18
Jay turns 18 next week. Little Jay, who used to call me ‘Bebbie’. Dan’s first best friend. The two of them played, fell out, made up and played some more, on repeat throughout Dan’s life. In high school they’d disagree, argue loudly with each other. ‘Now come on, you two…’ a kind friend tried toContinue reading “Everyone’s turning 18”
Organ Donation. It’s brilliant.
Dan and I had chatted over the years about organ donation. My fabulous friend Tracey needed a kidney. She had one failed transplant. Her health slowly declined and eventually she died. She was 38. My friend and colleague, Margaret, had a kidney transplant too. She was the most vigorously alive person I knew. She workedContinue reading “Organ Donation. It’s brilliant.”
Middowed 