Middowed – A Taster: Part Two

Extract from Chapter 10, Dan’s timeline, ‘Four Goodness Sake’. Dan’s framily (friends that are family, plus some actual blood relations) was small, but sound. Dan made me draw pictures of this framily, which basically included all the people that were important to him. He had me and his dad, Nanny and Grandad, Auntie Liv, JayContinue reading “Middowed – A Taster: Part Two”

Advent of Grief

Detached. Like a retina, or a singular house. That’s how I feel. Grief Awareness Week has just been and a search of the hashtag on Twitter throws up post after post about how to manage grief. I can’t read any of them. None of it makes sense. Grief isn’t managed, it’s experienced. Maybe that’s justContinue reading “Advent of Grief”

Ordinary Will Do Just Fine, Thanks

Organ donation is like some strange relay race against death. Dan’s batons—his kidneys, pancreas, liver and heart—were passed onto to four anonymous families, to keep others’ lives going that bit longer, stretching out both Dan’s time and theirs in this world. Although the recipient takes the organ itself, the whole family benefits. The recipient remainsContinue reading “Ordinary Will Do Just Fine, Thanks”

Everyone’s turning 18

Jay turns 18 next week. Little Jay, who used to call me ‘Bebbie’. Dan’s first best friend. The two of them played, fell out, made up and played some more, on repeat throughout Dan’s life. In high school they’d disagree, argue loudly with each other. ‘Now come on, you two…’ a kind friend tried toContinue reading “Everyone’s turning 18”

Organ Donation. It’s brilliant.

Dan and I had chatted over the years about organ donation. My fabulous friend Tracey needed a kidney. She had one failed transplant. Her health slowly declined and eventually she died. She was 38. My friend and colleague, Margaret, had a kidney transplant too. She was the most vigorously alive person I knew. She workedContinue reading “Organ Donation. It’s brilliant.”

Panic on the streets of Glossop

‘Just breathe, just breathe,’ I mutter, jagged huh-huh-huhs dragging back and forth. My footsteps clap in my ears, the soles of my shoes slapping the pavement of my hometown, walking fast along familiar streets. I have simply come into the town centre to drop off some bits at a charity shop, but it’s become aContinue reading “Panic on the streets of Glossop”

The End of Therapy – Part Two

Of course not everything was perfectly resolved. As calm and relaxed as I felt at the end of my final counselling session, there was one big hurdle we’d not really had the opportunity to work through. When I’d started counselling it was because I needed to talk about Dan and, as I found each week,Continue reading “The End of Therapy – Part Two”