‘Merry Christmas, Nanny!’ Dan flung open the back door and strode into the kitchen, stamping his feet on the mat to shake off the snow from his black Converse hi-tops. ‘Ooh, you silly sod you nearly made me drop the spuds.’ My mum, in her festive red dress and white cardy, tipped a pan ofContinue reading “The Ghosts of Christmases Past, Present, and Future.”
Tag Archives: bereavement
Everything reminds me of you
In the newly decorated and reorganised home office, I hear a beep beep from one of the boxes. ‘Oh my god Dan, your watch is still beeping for some random alarm you set.’ And, in a blink, you are next to me, laughing too. ‘Hur-hur-hur, Can’t believe it, it’s how old? I think I gotContinue reading “Everything reminds me of you”
A Photograph of You
For the last three years I’ve been trying to get a photo of the right quality of Dan for the NHS Blood and Transplant Service to use on a memory board at Sheffield Children’s Hospital, in honour of Dan’s amazing gift of life through organ donation. The memory boards are large picture boards typically depictingContinue reading “A Photograph of You”
Christmas is Coming
The only reason that Christmas, and for that matter, birthdays, are so loaded with emotion and so difficult to manage is because they don’t happen every day. If we lived with a year of Christmas days, the power would soon dissipate, and it’d become so ordinary that we wouldn’t cry every time we saw THATContinue reading “Christmas is Coming”
Sunshine and Rainbows
My Twitter cover picture, for quite some time after Dan died, was the meme of a quote from Rocky: “Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to yourContinue reading “Sunshine and Rainbows”
Advent of Grief
Detached. Like a retina, or a singular house. That’s how I feel. Grief Awareness Week has just been and a search of the hashtag on Twitter throws up post after post about how to manage grief. I can’t read any of them. None of it makes sense. Grief isn’t managed, it’s experienced. Maybe that’s justContinue reading “Advent of Grief”
Telly time
I would not be suited to fame. Last week, as part of Organ Donation Week, I sat on a bench in Weston Park and talked to a reporter about Dan, while the camera captured it all. It was terrifying. My heart raced, my brain melted, I felt like I would faint. Yet forcing myself toContinue reading “Telly time”
The End of Therapy – Part Two
Of course not everything was perfectly resolved. As calm and relaxed as I felt at the end of my final counselling session, there was one big hurdle we’d not really had the opportunity to work through. When I’d started counselling it was because I needed to talk about Dan and, as I found each week,Continue reading “The End of Therapy – Part Two”
The End of Therapy – Part One
The counselling is over. ‘I think I’m ok now,’ I informed my therapist. ‘That’s good,’ she nodded, encouragingly. ‘What’s changed?’ That was a hard one. And I had no simple answer. Each week, our sessions had removed the emotional and mental lint I’d picked up over the previous seven days. I would log on forContinue reading “The End of Therapy – Part One”
Middowed 