‘Just breathe, just breathe,’ I mutter, jagged huh-huh-huhs dragging back and forth. My footsteps clap in my ears, the soles of my shoes slapping the pavement of my hometown, walking fast along familiar streets. I have simply come into the town centre to drop off some bits at a charity shop, but it’s become aContinue reading “Panic on the streets of Glossop”
Author Archives: The Middow
The End of Therapy – Part Two
Of course not everything was perfectly resolved. As calm and relaxed as I felt at the end of my final counselling session, there was one big hurdle we’d not really had the opportunity to work through. When I’d started counselling it was because I needed to talk about Dan and, as I found each week,Continue reading “The End of Therapy – Part Two”
The End of Therapy – Part One
The counselling is over. ‘I think I’m ok now,’ I informed my therapist. ‘That’s good,’ she nodded, encouragingly. ‘What’s changed?’ That was a hard one. And I had no simple answer. Each week, our sessions had removed the emotional and mental lint I’d picked up over the previous seven days. I would log on forContinue reading “The End of Therapy – Part One”
Middowed: The Basics
Middow is a coined term for a mother whose child has died. I came up with it because I couldn’t find another word that fitted. There is a Sanskrit term, vilomah, that means against the natural order of things. That definitely describes the general state of being but doesn’t quite signify a person. Middow isContinue reading “Middowed: The Basics”
Three Years
It’s sunny this morning in Sheffield. I can’t say for sure what it was like on May 27th 2018, as Dan was still on life-support at Sheffield Children’s Hospital and our lives were in a windowless limbo. It probably was sunny though. The weather held for what seemed like months, as if, like me, theContinue reading “Three Years”
May
Now, May is a month of extremes for me. Throughout childhood it was my favourite time of year. The first month in which the grass was properly mown, bringing the scent that meant extended playing out time after tea. The spider-webby toys from the garage hauled outside, friends gathering on bikes and roller skates untilContinue reading “May”
Launching a blog
‘Start a blog,’ they said, ‘It’s really easy…’ Ha. It’s not easy. Why does everything look like it was all written on the same day? Why are my photos gigantic? Why does my brain go blank every time I think about posting? Ok, I’m sure it’ll all get easier with time. It’s been almost threeContinue reading “Launching a blog”
I Need to Talk (but don’t want to)
I had my first counselling session this evening. All day it’d been on the edge of my vision, a sharp black thing spearing my view. I logged onto zoom. There she was, my counsellor. She had emailed me, and now I had a face to put to the short, kind, phrases she had typed. HereContinue reading “I Need to Talk (but don’t want to)”
Dan and J
Yesterday’s Facebook memory was a photo of Dan and J at Manchester Airport. They were heading off to Hamburg together, to visit Dan’s dad, Steve. Dan was 13, J 12. Dan had already made the journey by himself a couple of times by then. I’d take him to the airport, wave him off as heContinue reading “Dan and J”
Blackbird
The route I took with the dog this morning was busy. Maggie and I paused at the far side of the bridge, to let a family of five amble past. We waited a few moments longer, until they had rounded the bend and wandered from sight. Just as we too rounded the corner, an olderContinue reading “Blackbird”
Middowed 